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| Erection Fear |
Reasons for impotence
Many men who are unable to achieve an erection or orgasm with their partner can achieve both by masturbation. Often these men have had a normal sexual relationship at some point in their lives and will eventually have it again. This kind of impotence is usually linked to one of the following reasons:
Fear of unwanted pregnancy If the man does not trust his partner's method of contraception and is not using the sheath (or is and doesn't trust it), the fear of creating an unwanted child can prevent him from achieving erection. Often he is unable to put his fears into words. It is therefore up to the woman to reassure him and bring about a sensible discussion, which can go some way towards solving the problem. If, however, he cannot talk about the problem, it is wise to try to get help from a third party who does not have day-to-day contact with the man, even perhaps a professional sexologist. While this person may not be able to offer any concrete advice, he or she may be able to get the man to talk about the problem.
Fear of sexual failure
With a very experienced woman he wants to impress - perhaps someone who matters to him so much that he's frightened of failing to pleaser premature ejaculation, a man may be unable to achieve erection and have intercourse because he is afraid he may fail again. Once more, counseling and therapeutic exercises as well as love, sympathy and understand can help him.
The wrong partner
If a partnership is insecure and the man dislikes or resents his partner, it is likely that he will be unable to `perform'. In a marriage which is going sour for some reason - money problems, a wife who has `let herself go' or too many children too soon - a man may feel trapped and deeply resentful. If love is gone there is little either partner can do about it, because once out of love it is very difficult to fall back into it.
Partner's difficulties
Impotence may also be caused by a partner's sexual difficulties. If she is having problems with contraception or vaginal infections or if sex is painful for her for some reason, he may find it hard to `perform', being afraid to hurt her.
Alcohol
The influence of alcohol on sexual performance has been known since the beginning of civilization. Research has shown that chronic alcoholism almost always dulls a man's sexual reaction. Masters and Johnson studied the effects of drinking on sex and have pointed out the steps that lead to impotence.
This kind of impotence seems to stem from a social situation where a man has had too much to drink. His partner scolds him and when he goes to bed he finds he cannot `perform'. There is also the case when the man drinks regularly at home to unwind and has so much alcohol that his sex drive is dulled and his capacity for erection is depressed. The problem gets worse as the pressure increases for the man to perform and the root of the problem - alcohol - is overlooked.
Hallucinatory drugs, `speed' and addictive drugs like cocaine, heroin or morphine may dull the senses and dampen the capacity for erection in much the same way as an excessive amount of alcohol does.
Underlying conflicts
When impotence is a reflection of personality difficulties it needs treatment from a specialist. These difficulties usually arise out of early unresolved conflicts with the parent of the opposite sex. Sex is `dirty'
This attitude is usually conditioned in childhood. The man may have been taught as a child that sex was `dirty', naughty and should be a duty with no pleasure involved. Most children masturbate, but the trouble begins if the child is continually reprimanded for it by his parents. That is when he may begin to believe sex is bad. This attitude, which has been reinforced by his parents, may be so deep-seated that he may require skilled counseling.
Attitudes towards women
A boy from a home with an uncaring or promiscuous mother or sister, who constantly witnesses family rows, or the boy whose home has broken up because of his mother, may develop a deep resentment towards women that prevents him from having normal sexual relationships with them. But all men are under pressure from society to 'prove them' sexually and even such embittered mea may attempt to have sexual relationships with women. A deep-seated antagonism towards the partner is very likely to manifest itself in a inability to get an erection.
Sometimes a boy who is close to his mother or sister can grow up thinking she represents the perfect image of a woman in every way. As an adult he may find himself unable to make love to any other woman, because she does not measure up to his ideal image. When this kind of intense relationship between a mother and son becomes a severe psychological problem it is described as Oedipus complex.
Another attitude that can cause impute develops in the man who grows up with the i that a woman should be `put on a pedestal'; he find it impossible to cope with the thought of evolving a woman he worships in something `dirty' as sex.
Fear of castration .
This is a neurotic personality disorder where a sees the vagina as likely to damage or hurt some men even imagine subconsciously that vagina contains teeth (described technically vagina dentate) which will bite off the Psychoanalytic treatment can help a man recognize these fears.
Fears about ageing
Fear of growing old also causes impotence in young men. Quite a number of them fail to re that this latent fear may be one reason why cannot `perform'. As each birthday passes a often feels he is losing his virility and will soon too old to do anything, much less make love. S has revealed that men in their seventies can experience arousal and have orgasm in response sexual stimulation.
Father dominance When a boy is in the process of growing up the usually a time when he challenges the author his father - a gradual moving away from the tektite dominance of his parents towards independence. Sometimes this does not happen the father may remain too protective, either coaly or emotionally. This can make the son if he is still a little boy who must be judged by father. A man who grows up feeling he is dominated by a father with a strong, powerful personality can find this very difficult to reconcile with an adult sexual role. He still has a sense of being under his father's control, and he feels overwhelmed by the sexuality of any male who seems to be dynamic and strong. Subconsciously he imagines he is in competition with these powerful rivals, and during intercourse these fantasies may result in an anxiety about his sexual performance which can lead him to becoming impotent.
The wrong scent'
Recent research evidence has shown that there is a possibility that secretions known as pheromones may play an important part in the reasons why a man is attracted to a particular woman or vice versa. Pheromones are secreted by an animal to give it a distinctive mark which another animal-of the same species can detect and recognize - usually by smell.
Past studies have established that smell plays a major role in communication between the sexes in monkeys. When a male monkey has his sense of smell interfered with, he stops responding to a female in the normal way; once it is restored he responds. An interesting fact about humans, which ties in with this research, is that the scent glands and hair tufts - which seem to have no obvious function - are found in the erogenous zones, close to the breast and genital areas. It may be that our own personal scent can subconsciously either attract or `turn off' a member of the opposite sex, and that a wrong' scent may sometimes be a cause of impotence.
Treating impotence
Psychological impotence can be treated only by skilled psychotherapists. The less complicated difficulties can be treated by physical therapy called `sensate focusing', which aims to help patients focus attention on the sensual side of sex, not the actual `performance'. It was developed by the sexologists Masters and Johnson and has been used to treat selected cases very effectively all over the world.
The thinking behind the treatment is that sex, being a form of communication, can only be successful when couples communicate fully with each other. The success of the treatment depends on the willingness of both partners to participate, plus a lot of sympathy and understanding from the woman. The couple is encouraged to realize that
Sex is not a matter of `super performance', but a form of expressing their love for one another.
The basis of the therapy is to give pleasure without any of the stress to `perform'. When the man knows that he does not have to involve himself in intercourse, he can relax, enjoy touching, kissing and cuddling for their own sake and eventually be able to achieve an erection and gradually begin to make love successfully again.
At the beginning of the exercises, the couple lay naked, stroking and caressing each other everywhere but the erogenous zones. Intercourse is not allowed. Because there is no demand the couple can learn to relax together and enjoy one another sensually. At first, most couples feel self-conscious, but gradually they learn to enjoy this `pleasuring'.
After two or three weeks, when the couple are totally relaxed together, they are allowed to touch breasts and genitals and they learn to tell each other what is pleasurable. During these early exercises, a lotion or warm baby oil is used for gentle body massage to heighten sensation and make bodily caresses more pleasurable. .
The next stage centers on more intimate caressing by hand and the man may guide his partner's hand. If he does get an erection it is not treated as being important and is not even commented on at this stage. `Pleasuring' continues as before even though the erection may go and return repeatedly.
Once he can get an erection regularly, it is up to the woman to make the first move towards full intercourse. She sits astride the man and concentrates at first on just keeping his penis erect within her vagina.
Later she can begin a gentle, but non-demanding, thrusting. Eventually the man will start thrusting himself. But orgasm is still not the `goal'. If it happens, it is accepted as an everyday occurrence. Gradually a stable sexual relationship will reestablish itself and the day will come when he may feel self-confident enough to take the initiative in lovemaking.
This treatment has proved successful in many cases of impotence, but it does need a couple who are determined to solve their problem and a woman who is prepared to be understanding, sympathetic and uninhibited enough to help her lover over what may be the worst crisis in his life.
A couple who have a serious problem with impotence should obtain professional help from a skilled therapist. A marriage guidance counselor will be able to put them in touch with appropriate help.
