It is when the man cannot help reaching orgasm early and regularly `comes' too soon to satisfy his partner that he is said to suffer from premature ejaculation. This happens at times with any couple; it is a problem only when it occurs almost every time they have intercourse. This is not a serious problem for Healthy Good Life living.
The causes
Premature ejaculation is one of the most common male sexual problems. Its basic cause is over anxiety about sex. Researchers now believe it is a response learned by a man in his youth - resulting largely from the attitudes his parents have passed on to him about sex and also from his first sexual experiences.
The pattern is established early in a man's sexual
Career if he becomes used to hurried or furtive encounters, conducted in an atmosphere of fear of discovery by parents or passers-by. Experiences with prostitutes where the main aim is the quick relief of male tension; masturbation, if carried out in shame and fear of interruption; intercourse to the point of orgasm and hurried withdrawal; all these are quite likely to be within a young man's experience, and all lay the foundations for urgency, tension - and premature ejaculation. If these experiences are reinforced by deep-seated beliefs
That sex is a sordid necessity for men and an unwelcome burden for women or that sex is a male proving ground, and then what begins as youthful over anxiety is likely to turn into a lifelong sexual habit.
The effect- on relationships
It is natural for a man to try to deny that he is overanxious about sex and put his rapid climaxes down to being highly-sexed or over-eager. This is easier to do if the man has no regular sexual partner - although he may leave a succession of unfulfilled' women behind him, he may regard himself as an accomplished sexual athlete. Premature ejaculation emerges more easily in a more permanent relationship, where excuses such as inexperience, tiredness and over-eagerness cannot disguise the problem forever.
Even in a long-term relationship, especially where there are children, premature ejaculation may be tolerated for quite some time. It may only be identified as a problem when the children are growing up and the woman is faced with the prospect of unending sexual frustration. At this stage of her life, she may need reassurance that she is still sexually attractive. She may interpret her partner's `early coming' as rejection or feel that he is simply using her; she may regard herself as sexually worthless or even turn to someone else fog reassurance and satisfaction. Her growing resentment leads in turn to shame and distress on the part of the man.
This anxiety and stress inevitably make the problem worse, and can lead to a total rejection of sex by both partners. Abstaining from sex, however, only heightens stress and physical sensitivity. The only way to avoid such a vicious circle is for both partners to talk about the problem and get help to overcome it - fortunately, premature ejaculation is one of the easiest sexual problems to cure.
Helping your control
Helping your control
One `self-help' technique used by men to control ejaculation is simple distraction. When the man is on the point of ejaculation, he tries to think of some-thing totally unconnected with sex to try to delay orgasm. All too often, however, this has the double effect of making him lose his erection and of upsetting his partner. Solitary masturbation is not helpful as a means of teaching control either. Although the man may be able to delay ejaculation successfully on his own, the presence of his partner changes the mood completely and he is likely to lapse.
Masturbation may be helpful when premature ejaculation is caused by inexperience and excitement, and in the past, doctors prescribed antidepressants, tranquillizers, and even anesthetic creams, which could be applied to the penis to dull sensation. None of these provides a permanent cure for long-term sufferers. The most successful treatments involve the man being sexually aroused to the point of orgasm and then helped to resist ejaculation itself. This teaches control in a positive way rather than by avoiding arousal. The’ stop-go' technique was developed by Dr Samoans in the 1950s; the treatment can take as long as year before success is achieved.
The American researchers Masters and Johnson have subsequently expanded the idea and developed the `squeeze' technique which is generally recommended today.
The `squeeze' technique
Although we can outline the general stages of the therapy, it is important to have the advice of qualified therapists on the techniques involved.
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| Orgasm Control |
Every day for about a week - at a time they can be sure of not being interrupted - the couple lie together naked; one partner caresses the other, stroking and kissing all parts of the body except the genitals. The 'receiver’ concentrates entirely on his or her own sensations. The couple alternate in being the `giver' and `receiver' each night. The purpose of this exercise is to learn that sex involves all the bodily sensations. Since intercourse is forbidden, the experience is non-threatening and neither partner is expected to perform.
The next step is to include genital areas in the caressing. When this stage has been reached successfully, and while intercourse is still forbidden, the premature ejaculation is tackled directly. Masters and Johnson discovered that just before the semen is released, there is a 2-4 second period when ejaculation becomes inevitable. Until this point, it can be stopped. The aim of this exercise is to understand and recognize the sensations which show that this moment is imminent.
The woman should sit, naked and comfortable, with her back supported and her legs apart. The man lies naked on his back in front of her, with his legs on either side of her body, his genitals close to hers. She then stimulates his penis to full erection and close to the point of ejaculation.
When the man feels himself to be almost at orgasm, he signals his partner - she will soon learn to recognize this point former self. She immediately stops stroking his penis and grips it in a special way.
Around the head or glens of the penis is a ridge called the coronal ridge and the point where the glens meets the shaft of the penis, on its underside (the side of the erect penis facing the woman), is a thin, triangular mark called the fermium. Men who have not been circumcised will have to draw b foreskin a little to see these parts.
Using her stronger hand, the woman places thumb on the fermium and her first and fingers on each side of the coronal ridge op her thumb and then squeezes hard. The pr must be fairly firm, and the man should place hand over hers, if necessary, to indicate how pressure he can take without pain. The grip is tainted for 3-4 seconds and then released. This will suppress ejaculation effectively. During this time some of the erection will diminish too, but the woman stimulates the penis again until it is hard and repeats the grip. This should be performed about five times during each session and practiced for four to five days. A couple may not be successful at first, but as long as the method is carried out correctly, ejaculation will soon be controlled. It is important for the couple to get the help of qualified therapists, who must make certain that the woman places her fingers correctly.
This control immediately gives the couple new confidence. The next step of the therapy is to insert the penis in the vagina without thrusting. The man should lie flat on his back, with the woman sitting astride him, her hands resting on his shoulders and her knees on either side of his chest, level with his nipples. Her body should be leaning over her partner's at an angle of about 45°, so that she can slowly slide her vagina down over the erect penis, using her hand if necessary. The couple then keep very still for up to 20 minutes.
If at any point the man feels he is about to ejaculate, the woman should immediately lift herself off him and apply the squeeze grip until the urge has passed. She then stimulates the penis again and reinserts it into her vagina. When this has been successfully achieved, the man may find that his erection begins to collapse and that his partner's vagina dries up. This is a common response to the long period of inactivity, so the man should very gently move his pelvis enough to keep both partners aroused. It is not easy to keep the delicate balance between excitement and ejaculation, but after a few sessions control will have been achieved and the partners are ready to progress.
The third stage, which should be preceded by a few practices with the squeeze grip is to allow both partners to move until orgasm is reached. If the man feels the urge to ejaculate, the woman should apply the squeeze grip again, until both of them are ready for orgasm. All the time the partners should concentrate on the pleasure of their own sensations, not on achieving any specific result. When both partners have achieved control with the woman on top, they should try it lying on their sides. This position is the easiest for a man to control ejaculation and also allows a woman quite a lot of freedom to move. The most difficult position for a man to control his orgasm is when he lies on top. This should only be attempted when both partners feel confident of success.
Each session should begin with the couple practicing the squeeze technique while the woman masturbates the man. When control is first mastered, there is a temptation to jump straight to full sexual intercourse, but this could be disastrous. Almost inevitably the man will come too quickly and will feel it to be a disappointing setback. With patience, the end result will not only be good sex but a much closer communication between both partners - perhaps for the first time.
Overcoming problems
For at least six months following the therapy, the couple should practice the squeeze technique once a week before having intercourse. If the problem recurs occasionally, the technique should be practiced a little more frequently, but it should be no cause for alarm- `early coming' may occur once in a while.
About 10 per cent of couples find that for about a month after establishing control, the man may suddenly be unable to get an erection. This is nothing to worry about. It is simply a reaction to all the good and regular sex the couple has had. You may fear that you will be unable to keep pace with your partner who, having a rewarding sex life at last, is making such demands on you. This phase will pass quickly and painlessly when it is anticipated and understood by both partners.
Premature ejaculation sometimes accompanies or disguises other sexual problems. When it is cured, it may be discovered that the woman is unable to reach orgasm anyway or she may always have hated sex, using her partner's problem as an excuse to reject it. She may worry that his newfound expertise will take him away from her. These are all potential hazards which need to be faced and talked about. If a couple find it embarrassing or difficult to discuss the problem between themselves they should get expert help.
Rarely the squeeze technique may trigger adulation instead of stopping it. If this should happen consult your therapist. Usually, it is because the squeeze is being applied too softly or incorrectly in some way and the therapist can help you perfect the technique.
Once a couple have mastered these techniques they will have overcome much of the anxiety surrounding their sexual performance. But couples do not need to have a problem in order to benefit from giving and receiving pleasure, so remember the techniques can also be applied to good relationships to make them even better.
